ICEBERG

Alright, here we go...

It's been a mess.

It was looking up at first. I was able to secure the location I wanted to do the band rehearsal about a week in advance.

That was the only good news.

My backup for the quit actor quit, so I met with Grant last Saturday to discuss our options. We brainstormed several alternatives, the worst case scenario being that we cut out a character altogether to keep the same amount of actors.

And until yesterday, that last solution was looking to be the case.

Drew has a friend that he thinks can fill the role. I got very anxious, because he invited them to the rehearsal even though I (still) haven't auditioned them. So that was a source of stress for the past 24 hours.

But finally, I was able to calm down and accept that I've done all I can do, and things outside of my control will happen regardless (which is actually a good way of thinking; whenever you get stressed about something, only worry about what you CAN control, not what you can't).

Twenty minutes ago, I had to cancel tomorrow's rehearsal.

Three people weren't going to show (for sure), one of whom was friends with the actor that quit, and doesn't feel comfortable around people they don't know, so they only want to be there when we start shooting.

At this point, everything's so topsy-turvy. I don't have a definite cast list or schedule anymore, and the knowledge that there is no guarantee that this movie will actually be made is starting to become bigger, stronger, louder.

So, at points like this, I have to seriously ask myself: Is this movie worth it? Is it worth going through months of trial and error just to have a script that might not even be good be seen by strangers who could tear and rip your movie apart?

My answer: fuck yeah.

I'm not abandoning my ship. Sure, a few leaks have sprung that might/might not have wiped out half of the boilers. If this ship does goes down, then fine, I go down with it. But I need, need to do everything in my power to make sure that this movie sees the light of day. Because that's my job.

"I am da captain now."

Had to say it.